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Saturday, 17 November 2012


I have never worked in a petrol station but they must be really miserable places for employees.  In the past few months, I reckon I have visited at least seven different stations and, without exception, the serving assistant has been as miserable as sin.

Companies that own these stations must recruit as follows:

Calling all miserable human beings.  Join us and work in our service stations but only if you comply with the following criteria.

You must be a qualified lemon-sucker - sour-faced, concave-cheeked, purse-lipped and squint-eyed. 

You must prove that you despise the human race.  

You must be in total control of your facial muscles and not twitch, smirk or smile under any circumstances.

You must ration any words you speak to customers to no more than three - your choice.

Join us - and just be your own dour, miserable, lemon-sucking self.

Our customers are not used to anything more!

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